I’m currently participating in two group programs hosted by other luminary leaders. One is an online group program to help me gain more clarity about my intuitive style. The other is a live group program I chose to participate in to help me live a more creative life in terms of taking care of my health.
Both classes are triggering hidden fears, doubts, and shame.
As far as my health goes, I’d like to say, ‘I’ve ‘got this,’ but the truth is, I still need help. I’ve been coaching and helping others get what they really want for almost 10 years now. One of the things my clients love about me the most is that I constantly remind them, “It’s so much easier than you think.” And “If It is not easy, you’re either not aligned or it’s not the right time.” (Insert massive deep breath here. Ahh…) When it comes to my health I would rather put my head in the sand so I just don’t have to deal with it. And admitting that I need help, or that I want to keep my head in the sand is the hardest thing to do. I feel ashamed and underneath the shame is the judgment that I’m… dumb, stupid, unintelligent. In the class I’m taking they call that voice of judgement the “Itty Bitty Shitty Committee”
I should be ashamed of myself for not knowing better, for not taking care of this sooner, for not worrying about my health.
In my luminary coaching work the Voice of Judgment (VOJ) is a part of a bigger obstacle that I call our Invisible Fences. One of my original mentors calls it “The Terror Barrier!” Terror implies that our fears stop us from getting what we want, and that is true. But I’ve found that I’m way more willing to overcome fears than I am to look for what is hidden, like shame. I get triggered and angry any time I bump up against my invisible fences. (VOJ – “I should be ashamed of not making the shame/fear connection to my invisible fences sooner!”)
When I get angry, I feel (wait for it… ) stupid! OMG! I feel like a little kid trying to learn something and not willing to be vulnerable and risk looking dumb in order to really take in what is being presented. This is how leadership gets whacked out of alignment.
The other class is the intuition class, which I joined so I could learn more about myself and my ability to read people’s Activation Codes, their soul energy. I wanted to be more consciously aware of the process I use to help people understand their soul agreements in this way. Taking this class was a great experience for me. Part of the class required us to pair up with someone else and read them and be read. I was one of the first people to sit in the receiving seat of a reading. And when my partner asked what I wanted to know about, I heard myself say, “My health.” I had no previous desire to ask about my health. It would not have been the first thing I asked about had I given it much though, but that is what came out of my mouth, “My health.” I’ve come to know these moments as channeled moments when divinity speaks through me to deliver a message.
This class is also triggering fears, doubts, and shame.
I wrote an entire chapter about intuition, I should be ashamed of myself for not teaching this class, not taking it! I’m walking through a lot of invisible fences of shame. It seems like there are miles of shame that created my invisible fences. The good thing is now that I know that shame what the fence is made out of, I can actually walk right through the shame with more conscious awareness and when I do the shame shifts a little each time and it’s grip becomes looser. Under that shame is the feeling of being dumb, unintelligent, or downright stupid.
A part of my luminary work is asking myself, “Whose is this?” when I’m up against my invisible fences.
“Whose is this?”
The shame of feeling stupid or unintelligent belongs to my dad. He was so smart and taught me everything I needed to know to feel intelligent and yet he felt he just wasn’t smart enough to…. (fill in the blank.)
It is not mine, and yet, I’m doing the work to help this shame that is in me emerge as something much more divine. I wonder what it wants to emerge as? … Wisdom!
I appreciate that I can learn to have body wisdom. I can learn to listen more deeply to what my body wants and needs. I can learn to get my head out of the sand and face the light of day in relationship to my health. I can learn how to feel the wisdom in sharing what I’m going through instead of feeling the fear that someone will see me as… unintelligent, or judge me for not having it together already.
For me, I’m really up against the shame of not knowing how I’m going to regain my health, and the fear of being judged. This is what I’m up against, my invisible fence. I can still feel the fear of being judged or feeling stupid. I appreciate myself for moving through, the shame. I appreciate myself for being willing to look at what is really going on. I appreciate myself for caring about myself enough to want to clear my energy field of conditional beliefs so I can be free to activate much more good in the world with authenticity and compassion.
What are your Invisible Fences?
Once you know what they are you can appreciate yourself for being aware of what you are up against. When you are aware of what you are up against, it is no longer has an invisible grip on your and you are free to move beyond it, if you are willing.
Feel called to know more about what you activate in the world and how your activation can trigger invisible fences in other people? Read more about Activation Code Sessions here.